that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
