you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
