How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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