Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
