Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
