are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
