he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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