Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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