Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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