i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
where does the pee come out of this thing
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
