piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
