She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just had sex on a roof
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
