Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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