Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
