i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Its about making memories worth repressing
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
