Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
