My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
