sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
