You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
