I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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