tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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