It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This baby is an asshole
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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