Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
