In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
