i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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