Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
40s are totally the cure
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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