Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
