Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
worst night to have a conscience
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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