I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
