i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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