does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She bit a glass in half.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
