Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
