dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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