exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
