I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
