I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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