so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I stole a fireplace last night.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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