I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize