are you still at the devil's house?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
