im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
