feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
