I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
