too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
