Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
birth control should be required to get into college
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
