he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
