He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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