Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
