so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
