That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
