I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Can I color on your dick again?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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