Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
