all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
