just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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