Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
where am i from again
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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