As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
