He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
