I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
