On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
