I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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