we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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