My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
