i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
