I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
