it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
