people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
