I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Randomize
