Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
