after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
