Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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