Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
